DogZilla » WTF

Looks like Mickey is badass after all

DJBenz — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 09:35:52 +0000

Following on from my previous post about Mickey Mouse’s gangsta influence, it seems that the animated rodent isn’t as squeaky clean as first thought.

According to an article on The Daily Telegraph Website a Saudi Arabian cleric (or a religious fuckwit as they’re more commonly known), has labelled Mickey Mouse “one of Satan’s soldiers” that “makes everything it touches impure.”

During a, no doubt, bulging-eyed rant and a ceremonial burning of Fantasia he spouted, “According to Islamic law, the mouse is a repulsive, corrupting creature. How do you think children view mice today – after Tom and Jerry?

Mickey Mouse has become an awesome character, even though according to Islamic law, Mickey Mouse should be killed in all cases.”

So there you go folks, it looks like Mickey is now a legitimate target for rabid religious cretins with shit for brains. If you happen to be queuing at Disneyland to get your photo taken with him, and there’s a shifty-looking character in the queue wearing a backpack, get the hell out of there. Mickey’s fatwah has been issued.

Dog Beer

DJBenz — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 13:27:08 +0000

I have two dogs. Big fuckers that eat me out of house and home, so I’m regularly making trips to the pet shop to buy 15Kg bags of dog food. On my last trip there, I walked past the end of an aisle and did a double-take at what was staring back at me (go on, click on it and it will magically enlarge itself) :

Dog Beer.

Beer. For your dog.

Great stuff, get your pooches pissed on Dog Beer so they throw up and piss indiscriminately. They do that already. The other thing that got me was the price; £1.99 a bottle! Most of the brews I drink don’t cost £1.99 a bottle, so I’m buggered if I’m going to spend that much on a brew for the hounds. If, and it’s a very big IF, I do ever get the urge to give my dogs beer, I’ll nip down the local supermarket and get 4 cans of budget lager for the same price.

Dog Beer. What next? Hamster Vodka?

Vegetarian Zombies

DJBenz — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 14:01:51 +0000

This post is half-inspired as a follow-up to the one about the movie Colin. Not that Colin features any vegetariansim, you understand, just that it’s about zombies. But I digress…

If movie folklore is to be believed, when a person is killed and returns to life as one of the walking dead they still retain aspects of their former personality. Now, what if that person happened to be vegetarian?

Imagine the mental torture of a creature with an insatiable hunger for human flesh, that is governed by the overwhelming feeling that it’s wrong to kill another sentient being for food.

When there finally is no more room in hell, and the dead do indeed walk the earth, I’ll be happy that I’m a meat-eater. At least I’ll get a guilt-free share of the chow-down.

Cakefarts

DJBenz — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:37:36 +0000

Everyone knows that men find farts the single most hilarious thing on the planet. We’re also rather fond of the opposite sex and, occasionally, cake. So put all three together and you have the perfect recipe:

www.cakefarts.com

Defintely not safe for viewing in any kind of working environment (unless you work in confectionery-based flatulance movie production).

Make sure you check out the related movie Pudding Farts for more comedy gold.

A severe case of writer’s blog.

DJBenz — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 13:59:47 +0000

“You should start blogging”, I’m told, “it’s good practice for reviewers”. So here I am, all blogged up and ready to roll. Still getting my head around this Wordpress thing, but it seems pretty straightforward.

So in advance of starting this, I had a think about what I could write about. A few things came to mind that had happened recently, a few things I could at least spin into something worth reading. Rather than look to the past, I’ve decided to look to the future and concentrate on the things that will happen.

Which means the rest of my life is now doomed to mundanity.